Each day that goes by, we are hearing more & more details coming from our little guys. This morning they chatted away..about 1 1/2 hrs to be exact..my, oh my...did they have details..We heard about the lions at Ageze's door..."lion's eat my food, mama!" "good morning( he means the next morning..)Ageze food all gone...naughty lion!!" "Lions big momma, and noisy!" Tesfa follows it up with..."Momma, hyena bite..scare me!" He then proceeded to tell Ageze & I that a hyena bit him...this momma doubts that...but who knows!! Last evening, I had gone outside quick...and told the kiddos to stay in...but Not Our Tesfa...all of a sudden I hear a very loud scream...our next door neighbors have a small dog and he could hear it barking(he dislikes small dogs in a very bad way!!)...He was yelling louder than the dog was barking!! I quickly ran to him..told him the dog was on a leash, and went inside..reassured him over & over that he was ok..the dog would not bite him..etc..and Ageze said..."stop,Tesfa" I said.."Oh my goodness Tesfa...you dont need to scream your head off..my goodness we are inside now..it's ok..relax!! WRONG THING TO SAY...I guess I have never thought about that phrase before..(Don't scream your head off!!) Tesfa in the most terrified voice said..."No, thank you momma...no head off..Tesfa nap..shaking his finger...No head off momma!" OH.MY.WORD...At this time I was boiling water for spaghetti..and he pointed towards the stove and said..."no more momma..doro..head off!( Doro means chicken!!) Once again, I told him...Tesfa ...momma loves you, you are ok..Tesfa, we dont cut heads off here( all awhile I can't believe that I am having this conversation!!)So, I sure wish that the lions were their only little worry...not so....Ageze clearly remembers his brothers, little sister, papa and stepmom...he talks about them like it was yesterday. He asked me this morning.."Momma..Ageze go with you Ethiopia sometime?" I said..."well, of course...momma & papa love Ethiopia, and hope to take all 4 of you back someday soon"....but how soon is too soon??? He very vividly told me of the day he left his home in ET...for good. He said.." Momma, Ageze cry big, & Taya(sp?) & Atamo(sp?)(brothers) cry big momma...Ageze go to Sister(Sister Almaz at the care center)..."Alto(his stepmom) say momma...come back again?" "no thank you"..replied Ageze.."Ageze happy america momma!" My eyes welled up with tears...I reassured him how much he is loved...by us, and by his Ethiopian family...and he was onto the lions once again. So...I tell you this because...His hurt is real..his love for his ET family still remains...and I try so hard to tell myself that he is so much better here...but, the fact is...a part of his heart is missing...What did he feel that day when he was taken from his home to the unknown?? And I look back to the first few weeks of being home, and get angry at myself for having less patience in those trying days...I will never forget those hours of him wimpering unconsolably...or him thrashing his body against mine...and I remember at the time it frustrated me...How dare I?? So, with that...I say...I'd do it all over again!! The risk is worth it!! Ageze & Tesfa...you are worth it!! You are Loved!!
xo kristen
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Those boys (and K & G!) are so, so lucky to have you as their mommy and be a part of your big, loving family! We ALL have those moments as moms, where we look back and beat ourselves up because we should have been more patient or more attentive or calmer or WHATEVER. We're going to have strong moments and weak moments and really, all that matters at the end of the day is that our babies are loved with our whole hearts. And you are nothing if not a loving mommy - that is SO clear by your words and photos! Keep up the good work, mama.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, here, Kristen. What our kiddos has gone through is so hard...and even the processing that is still needed is hard to get through sometimes.
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