Monday, July 25, 2011

are they brothers???

I've been asked this question a hundred times since bringing Ageze & Tesfa home...and for some reason...it's really starting to annoy this momma!! Yesterday, someone at church came up to our family...in front of our kid's & said..."are they brother's?" I said..."yes." And they said..."well, real brother's?"....ugh!! Now, I've never been asked if Grant & Kate are "real" siblings...wonder why??!! And really...what does it matter...they are all of our children, so that makes them "real" siblings!! I feel like every time a question like this is asked....it takes us 1 step back in the whole attachment/bonding topic...here we are...each day telling/reassuring A & T that they are so special to our family...they are "us"...we are their family...here to stay...so, when that ? is asked as frequently as it is...it creates division...even though they are only 3 & 4 yrs old...they are so smart...they realize & question their color, what they were like as a baby, why we don't have their skin color....etc...so, when they hear that being asked...I know it goes somewhere in their heart...they are thinkers..And, I do understand that we will always have new issues/questions to handle as they are growing up...and we will prepare all of our kid's to handle these types of situations/questions...with confidence, belief in themselves & grace for others.....just wished there would be a bit more sensitivity in this sometimes insensitive world. As this person was asking...I looked at our children...Ageze looked completely bewildered...so tough & annoying...so, put your curiousity aside...and rest assured knowing that they are "real" brother's.

4 comments:

  1. tom eastgateJuly 25, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    People are ignorant

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  2. JenJuly 25, 2011 at 11:16 AM

    The next time that happens, just hold out both of their little hands to the insensitive offender and say, "Go ahead, touch them -- they're real." :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. LinneaJuly 25, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    I like what the above people said. What is this real stuff? My children are very much real. My son is very much my son. When someone asks me respectfully if I feel like there is a difference between the kids as far as my feelings for them I understand why they are asking and they want to adopt and have questions or my answers can lead people to adopt which is a goal but when you come to me and say rude things then you are gonna get my sarcastic attitude. I have 3 settings on off and you outta know better!

    Be blessed

    Ashlee

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  4. AliciaJuly 25, 2011 at 11:01 PM

    I read this first this morning and thought about it all day. You know how I feel about the "real" phrase - but what wounded my heart was the way you describes Ageze's face.. I SAW it! I HATE it! It hurts me... yet I wonder if and when I have asked questions that hurt just because I am ignorant. I have learned so much as an adoptive momma. Hoping and praying I remember to wonder yet not ask the questions that I DO NOT have the right to ask. Hoping and praying I remember how my questions may FEEL to the one being asked (or hearing the asking). My world was once so small, so traditional - and now I see BROTHERS... REAL brothers... in a whole new way. So much more about love and acceptance, and so much less about "bloodlines." I love so much better now. Praying that your sons are so much smarter than the world. You are such a good momma Kristen.

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